This blog has been around for over two years now, and I was 75 when I first started it. I am now 77. My financial struggles continue, but I don't take it as seriously as I used to. When you really start to get up there, age-wise, you can become more irritable but you can let go of things which once bothered you a lot. A night on the streets with my family isn't necessarily a depressing thing anymore. I've had some emotional problems here and there, but when I wake up in the morning a diaper full of shit doesn't piss me off like it once did. (I don't mean to be gross but these kinds of health problems can happen if you're well into your senior years!)
Its been quite a while since I've posted on this blog. I'm looking forward to the November 6th election, with the hope that Romney will win even though I think Obama will. People who don't vote, are like people who give up. I make sure to vote in every election, even though I might easily be dead by the end of this next presidential term. I've become more interested in current events and I've even been involved in charitable works such as working at the local homeless shelter once a week or so (despite my own status as a hobo!) I'll often times hang out at bars and order a glass of water to look like a customer (but its still loitering.) I've been kicked out a couple of times before, but they were really nice about it ("I'm sorry, but you can only be here if you're going to drink, or gamble"). I always used to dream of retiring with enough money to support myself, but the chances of that are mostly gone.
To sum it up I work less than I did when I first started this blog, mainly because of reputation problems and a smaller part of it is that I'm only getting older. I'm less driven, and less goal oriented, but I'm also calmer and happier. My vocabulary has gotten a little smaller too- I've read some past publications and I needed to have a dictionary at hand. The new onset of indifference has helped reduce symptoms of depression. I'm less interested in seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist at this point; I just want to be my own man. If I could afford a better computer or a web cam, I'd put up a photo of myself right now- I've let my hair grow long, I have put on some weight, and I have a goatee. All of this is by choice- It didn't cost me much at all when I was clean cut.
I've noticed that the purpose of death metal, grindcore, and black metal is most often to sound as diabolical, scary, and heavy as possible. Because of this realization I think its mostly a failure. When it comes to the heaviness of riffs, the speed of the drums, and the deep voice which sounds like its from a monster movie, its overkill. Many of these artists are afraid to have some slow songs, some songs which aren't as 'dark' as the others, or a comprehensible singing voice because they think they would be 'sell outs'. Darkthrone has an album which I like quite a bit: A blaze in the northern sky. I'm an atheist who thinks that Satanism is too corny because for one thing Satan does not exist. (There's no "proof" he's not real but he's about as credible as Santa Claus or the tooth fairy.) Another thing is that the lyrics are so narrowly focused on "Satan", so called dark spirituality, etc. That being said I love that Darkthrone album because the music is top of the line and original. Other than Transilvanian Hunger, Darkthrone's albums tend to be "pretty good" at best. As much as I've spoken out against overly repetitive music, that one has also been quite successful in my world.
This blog posts content is most likely influenced by the fact that I've been taking my Clozaril regularly. In a previous blog post or two I've espoused Satanism and at the time I was off medications for a while. Not that I regret any of that- Life is a journey.
Napalm death has put out good music but I think they're horribly overrated. I liked Deicide back in the 1990's, their music was consistently good. Despite being so "Satanic" they managed to come off as genuinely creepy and evil. Dying Fetus is another band which is too stereotypical of a death metal band at times but Raped on the alter and a few others are some of my favorite songs in metal. As would be expected, I feel the same way about Cannibal Corpse. One of the only flawless 'extreme metal' albums I know of is Prowler in the yard by Pig Destroyer. This is probably the only grindcore masterpiece that there is (they don't sound like they're trying to hard). It sounds authentically angry and malevolent; singer JR Hayes isn't trying to sound like some creature on a game like Doom and he's an excellent poet. On prowler, there is a surprising amount of variation between songs for a grindcore album which is a sub genre known for producing yawn inducing blast beats track after track. Sadly, Pig Destroyer gradually regressed into the typical, run of the mill grindcore band after their magnificent Prowler album.
'Extreme metal' needs to change for it to sound good again; the standard instruments used are no longer adequate because they would need to borrow riffs and other musical elements from previous work for a song to not bore you. The bands and albums mentioned in this post aren't the only metal bands I like.
Dennis Avner,
who is also known as "Cat Man" (but prefers his Native American name, Stalking Cat, it almost made me feel like a normal person. This guy holds the worlds record for having the most body modifications.
I take some special interest in him myself, since my wife is a canine and we have mixed species children. Man and beast have joined as a result of our love, sex, and matrimony and this guy has undergone extensive cosmetic surgery to look as if he's part feline. Cat man has been inspiring ever since I first found out about him. It would be ideal if I could get surgery to resemble a doberman, and if my wife Lisa got surgery done to have some human features.
Legally, my wife and Lisa are not married but she is my pet (So, if she mauled someone apart I could face liabilities as a pet owner.) But she wouldn't have to consent to getting cosmetic surgery done. I'm well into my 70s so it could be especially unhealthy for me to go under the knife for such an operation. However I'll add it to my wish list, which I'd need to raise money for since I can't even afford to have a roof over us on some nights. As I expected, cosmetic surgery for pets is available.
Maria Jose Cristerna, also known as the "Mexican Vampire Woman", is another freak who got a ton of body modifications done. She did this to express herself since she almost died in a violent home as a child.
Emotional and physical abuse fucks people up.
She is a freak but she's quite sexy. I'd let her eat a few of my kids just to do her.
Occupy Wall Street took off as a successful movement in 2011. Lets let internet protests pave their way for more satisfied users and minimal complaints about the service for a given website. Its good that online protests are part of what prevented SOPA and PIPA!
A good example would be Yahoo Answers, a popular site which isn't very reliable for what its purpose is- "to provide quality questions and answers"
One of my associates helped make this video, he is the speaker. His name is Joey, formerly known as 'Retard Supremacist' and 'Baby Torturer' on Yahoo Answers. He often times also used his real first name as a username on there. He hasn't been on that site in over a year so you probably wouldn't remember him. He is the only retarded man I know who owns a blog. Do you know any mentally retarded bloggers?
Many people were in doubt about a retarded man owning a blog. If someone's mental age is between 9 and 12, what makes you think they wouldn't be savvy enough to run a blog? Someone that age may be vulnerable but it doesn't take a very smart person to use the internet.
I don't think so. Weeks ago, I was contacted by a local man who claimed to know black magic. I paid him a total sum of $3500 to be 20 years younger. He said the trade off would be that 5 newborn babies in the village I live in would end up having progeria, a very rare but tragic illness where the aging process is about seven times faster than normal. I figured that the trade off was worth it, only, there won't be a trade off because this was a scam. I believe the entire occult is just a greedy industry to scam people.
This guy went by the name 'Roy' (I made him show me his driver's license of course, the first name was Roy, but this must have been fake.) We went through this process of him "proving" to me that the occult is real. A man (obviously part of the scam) claimed to have wanted breasts, his shirt was taken off and they looked and felt totally real. He had no other secondary sex characteristics, there was no chest hair, it looked totally female. I did a background check for his medical records, there was no record of getting any surgery either. Roy and his sidekick who's name was supposedly Brian are much more like Houdini than the sorcerers you see in movies because Brian's "breasts" were not real. It was just part of the greedy scheme to scam me. I'm a poor old doctor who can't afford to retire, let alone feed his family without assistance and this is how I'm treated.
Suicide: Dark and mysterious?
I've always informed many of my patients that suicide is a dark and mysterious rite of passage into the unknown, and a viable option to end the chronic pain. I would tell them that God is most likely waiting for them even though I don't believe this personally. Since I don't even have a pot to piss in, maybe I'll consider the notion that the very last chapter of one's life is what defines any possible existence after death. When the body dies, I don't know if the energy in it dies with it or if it goes anywhere.
I was punked out when least expected, this is what can happen to people with extreme financial problems who are desperate. I wouldn't mind killing Roy and Brian but they have both disappeared; I tried calling Roy's phone number which is no longer in service. I went to what was most likely his temporary office which is now an empty building.
I'm at the end of my rope. Do you have any spare change? Maybe my family should die with me. After all, is there any place in this world for mixed species kids?
Its too bad that you have to experience death to know or not know what happens when you die.
I wish that this experience of mine could be featured on the show American Greed, but I have no proof of anything.
For most people, this is a hypothetical question because its very illegal to solicit murder, as well as take up such an offer. A lot of people would say something like "Not for any amount in the whole world because that is just evil."
Ask this question to yourself and try to come up with an answer. Obviously it would make a big difference if the person was 'guilty' (such as a person who is evil, or a general burden to society) or innocent.
There is an important episode of The Twilight Zone called "Button, Button" in which a couple descending into poverty are offered a box, with a button on it which would ensure the death of someone for $1 million. There is also a film which came out in 2009 called The Box which was also based on the same short story by Richard Matheson.
Stories like this really help you to question your own morality, and how easily you can be bought. Its not hard to know how easily you can do unpleasant things for money such as dressing up in drag or even promising to say "Fuck you" to everyone who greets you. But how easily can you be bought by evil?
There is a very old saying, "Money is the root of all evil." The validity of this statement is debatable (its quite a stretch isn't it!). Nonetheless, money could make anyone do plenty of undesirable deeds when the opportunity for it is there (the most common example would be staying at a job you hate.) For you, could the destruction of innocent human life be one of those things? How about your pet? Hmmm?
Have you been fearing death lately, in any way? Whether it be the fear of your own death, the death of a loved one or people you admire?
The fear of death, which is less commonly known as thanatophobia, affects millions of people worldwide. So if you're fearful of death, know that you're not alone and you are not a freak. Thanatophobia is the fear of death, dead things, or anything associated with death. There is information in this article which can help you to overcome this fear. Remember that this is free information, and this is my third blog post which strives to better my reputation as a doctor.
Recommendations for overcoming the fear of death
Death is a cycle. You're not being singled out in any way, everyone goes through it. Some people experience death much sooner than others, while other people die when they are elderly (the more preferred stage of life to die.)
You won't be forgotten, unless you're a big loner who doesn't even have a family. Even if you were forgotten, you wouldn't care because your mind is probably just dead once you die (I am an atheist, I could debate the likelihood that god exists any time.) So if you believe in God or gods in any way, just go ahead and keep on believing in that because they will be there to meet you at the gates and you'll probably have a happy eternal life. Ignorance is bliss for some people.
Keep on living life to the fullest. If you don't, you better start doing your best because none of us get out alive. Regardless of your age, health, or other circumstances that might make your own death more sooner than later, try and have a positive outlook on life and work with what you have. Go out and make new friends, get new hobbies, do whatever possible to enrich the life you've got. Death is likely to happen to you when you're not necessarily expecting to die, and this is the way it should be. Wouldn't it be kind of like hell if people knew the exact date and time they would die?
Its not worth worrying about death until you need to.
Are you terminally ill? Do you have any loved ones who are probably going to die soon? Its worth giving a damn when death is likely, but until you know its likely why even give it a second thought. Anxiety can cause health problems, which could make your own death sooner.
Be an optimist.
Studies have shown that optimists are less likely to contract heart disease than pessimists. If you think badly of the future, you are more than likely to die sooner. So don't worry, and you'll live longer.
Dying can be very painful, but once you're dead there is no pain. Life is a great thing, however its arguable better to be dead than in chronic pain. This is what I've told all of my patients whom I've successfully put down.
If you are worried about somebody else dying, its okay to worry, but just remember that they are human just like you, and can adapt to changes and overcome situations. There have been people who were predicted to die because of a perceived terminal illness, but instead they were treated properly and lived much longer than expected. You could die sooner than the person who you were deeply worried about! So go out and have good times while you can.
Tips
Make your life as rich, enjoyable and fulfilling as possible. Go out and explore the unknown and don't be afraid to be bold- the most resentful people who are on their death beds were those who weren't themselves; People who did not have meaningful lives because they didn't go after their own dreams.
Consider talking to a professional about your fear of death or any health problems. I'd be a good candidate for that!
Try thinking that after you die you will go somewhere happy. Many religions believe in this. (sort of tongue and cheek as ignorance is bliss) It might be worth believing that you will enjoy death more than life (as an example, some people died while high on hardcore drugs)
Think of the worst things that could happen to you or someone you love. Then tell yourself, "What are the odds of that?" or even "So what?". Some indifference could balance you out.
Remind yourself you are healthy and you have a whole life to live ahead of you. If you're old and vulnerable like me, well then telling yourself something like this would be a lie. Perhaps you could take up alcoholism instead, this has helped me out a lot in my old age.
Very important: Be completely honest with yourself and fully face the fact of your own mortality. Unless know of some mystical source of eternal life, it will eat away at you until you do. Life becomes much more valuable when its temporality is realized.
Warnings
Fear of death can be a sign of depression. However its better than having suicidal thinking, which is a sign of severe depression. (I also have an article about preventing suicide)
Contact a doctor (such as me) if the phobia becomes extremely overpowering, and you aren't able to carry out your daily routine. Doctors get paid quite a bit of money to pretend that they care about you, and most doctors do a good enough job at pretending that they care.
That's my two cents on overcoming death. Consider being my patient, because I could use more business. If you don't need me or want to have me as a doctor, I would like a donation from you because I put effort into writing these articles which go outside of the scope of my profession.
Since I just wrote three posts in a row which weren't about me, I'll have to reward myself by blogging about me next time since I love talking about my life, family, personal viewpoints, and whatever is on my mind. I've had colleagues, patients, and other people urge me to keep my personal life and professional life separate but I prefer to be myself even in professional situations.
To further my efforts to be a more ethical doctor rather than persisting as the greedy salesman doctor who only cared about money and food, here is another blog post of free information for dealing with mental health problems. As I stated in the last blog post, Warning signs of suicide, severe depression / suicidal thinking has always been one of my favorite medical problems to treat. This will be my second blog post in a row where I keep things helpful and down to business, rather than talking so much about me and my personal life. Yay!
Cope with depression without seeking medical help
If you are mildly or moderately depressed, or know someone who is depressed I recommend reading this list closely, and take this advice before seeing a physician such as myself.
Depression is the most common mental health problem which effects people from all different walks of life. It is one of those conditions which only takes a half a brain to know that it definitely doesn't mean you're crazy, although too often it is seen as something which only weak minded people succumb to which is not true. This is a basic guide to dealing with cases of depression which are not severe. If you have doubt about your own situation, see a doctor (I recommend myself, my rates are flexible and I love helping people.)
Steps
Do something for others: This will build self esteem and create gratitude in others. Make sure that you start small, you wouldn't want to get taken advantage of and make yourself feel worse.
Use positive affirmations: Repeat positive statements about yourself, such as: "I can do it. I'm quite alright. Everything is getting better, the right things will fall into place." Find other things like that to tell yourself(no need to boast to other people quite yet).
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones - Kill the ANTs: Instantly when an Automatic Negative Thought or feeling appears change your conscious mind: you can only think about one thing at a time, so stop negative thoughts by filling up with positive ones. You can take baby steps with this - don't expect to have excellent thoughts the day after reading this article.
Talk to your closest friends, if you even have any. The first step and step is to let people you care about know how you're feeling. By doing this, you are taking some control, building esteem and growing a support base. When doing this, tell only some people you can definitely trust. Preferably it should be a friend or family member who hasn't ever said or done anything cruel to you, since a person like this might strike again.
If you don't have any friends, come up with some nice imaginary friends to talk to. They might boring but at least you can easy trust them.
Talk to a counselor or doctor at least once (like me). Nobody (unless an extreme condition resides) will have you put in the loony bin at the first mention of being depressed. Medication or further counseling would probably be suggested, but the decision to take these recommendations are always yours and they could not obligate you to do so unless there is something really serious going on such as blatant self harm. This is another example of taking control of your own life and thereby reducing depression.
Get a new hobby. New, fun and interesting things such as a hobby increases your motivation, gives you a diversion and helps with concentration. Remember that a hobby can be social, and if its active, can help you sleep. Being social in and of itself is activity so positive interaction throughout the day can help prepare your mind better for sleep at night. Insomnia is something which makes a lot of people feel bad about themselves.
Write down your feelings. Put some alone time aside to try to understand yourself a little more. Don't be afraid of honesty as people who lie to themselves do have to wait longer for to achieve their goals. If you have privacy concerns, write and then suitably destroy the writings. Another thing you could do is write in a coded language which you could easily remember and understand so that if your writings were found, they may not give insight to the person who is snooping. Understand that depression can be a very solitary illness, and so understanding yourself can make you more at ease with yourself. Your reasons for being depressed can be quite different from someone else's.
Make black-and-white decisions. Don't procrastinate. You either will or won't get out of bed. You will or won't visit your friend's house. Don't think about it - do it! There's nothing to lose. Take control of yourself. When you allow yourself too many options for habits which are either good or bad, you're more likely to be lazy and not make the right decisions.
Make a list of 5 or more things you want to do with your life. Do your very best to work towards them. When you finish doing everything on your list, make another one. These can be any kinds of goals that you want.
Tips
Do watch your money. It is common for depressed people to go on spending sprees, which makes a lot of sense because they're often seeking instant gratification.
Enjoy your work. If you don't enjoy your work, talk to someone about how they enjoy it; The right suggestions on how to enjoy work vary from job to job as they also vary from person to person. If you feel you can't enjoy your work, find new work if possible (I know the economy is still a big factor).
Keep your 5 (or more) things to do with your life simple, achievable, and specific. Don't write "be a good person", write "have more patience with the elderly", or "ask [person you have a crush on] to go out on a date with you".
That is not a comprehensive guide to dealing with depression. As I said, it is a basic list which you should attempt before finding a therapist or a doctor. I should point out that finding a good therapist is not easy, since personal problems are more complicated than physical problems. In my opinion, therapy is just as much of an art as it is a science. One therapists skills might be good for some clients but certainly not all.
I have been called unprofessional for talking so much about my personal life on this blog which is on my business card. I've had former colleagues tell me I'm 'despicable' for how I've handled a lot of my patients. This was before I went solo as a general purpose practitioner whom no other doctor would ever associate with due to reputation problems.
I have some compensation to do, so I'll get right down to business in this blog post and I'll try to avoid talking anymore about myself.
Warning signs of suicide
Preventing a friend or a loved one from committing suicide will likely take close observation and finding the right time to take drastic action can be tricky and emotionally hard on them as well as yourself. It would be ideal if you referred suicidal people to ME since this is one of my favorite medical problems to treat. I currently offer a referral based commission to people who refer suicidal patients to me. You would receive 25% of the medical bills paid to me for that patient. In other words, if you referred someone to me for a one hour evaluation, you may be eligible to receive $25 for that visit. Simply mention this blog post via phone, email, or an office visit if you're dropping this person off.
Get opinions from their family members and friends, depending on what your relationship with them is. How is this person just not being themselves? Do they seem abysmally depressed? Questions like these are important to ask yourself, and other people who know the person that you care for. Below are some warning signs for suicide.
Situational:
Recent loss of a loved one (death or divorce).
Survivor of a previous suicide attempt.
Loss of prestige (could be loss of job or business).
Serious illness (chronic pain or exhaustion with no end in sight).
Exhaustion of resources - could be real or imaginary (money or credit lines).
Family history of suicide.
A close friend commits suicide.
Behavioral:
Talking or writing about death and suicide. Other dark topics could be a sign as well.
Giving away personal possessions.
Changes in behavior or mood.
Freefalling grades or decline in work performance.
Ending close relationships.
Not smiling as much, crying a lot.
Flat or blunted affect.
Negative self talk.
Withdrawal, not participating in regular activities.
Buying weapons, pills, poisonous ingrediants, or objects such as a rope.
Reading a lot about suicide, or self harm such as cutting.
Extreme anger outbursts.
Someone you know might be severely depressed without you knowing this.
Emotional
Overwhelming sense of loss or personal failure.
General lack of interest in things they were once fond of.
Feelings of hopelessness, overwhelming sadness, or guilt.
Withdrawal/isolation.
Feelings of being a burden to others.
Great loss of self esteem.
There are certainly verbal signs of suicidal thinking which you need to watch out for as well. Some obvious ones include "No one cares about me or my life", "I have nothing left to live for", "They're better off without me.", etc. However there are some seemingly benign verbal statements which may indicate thoughts of suicide as well. Some examples are:
"It's too late now."
"There is nothing left to do."
"What's the use."
"I just want the pain to stop."
"Nobody gets me."
"You just don't understand!"
If you see many of the warning signs described in this article, you need to help this person. Connect with them more often than you previously did, subtly try and get more information as well. I don't recommend asking blunt questions like "Are you planning on killing yourself" unless you feel like an emergency has already begun. (just try and use good judgment) Go to their place of residence, and make note of things which seem out of the ordinary. Perhaps invade their privacy somewhat by looking inside of drawers when they are not around, if this is at all possible. Those of us who are fortunate to have privacy appreciate it, but when it comes to life and death you need to set the priorities straight. Often times it is good to stay with this person until they go to sleep, if this is at all possible.
*As I reflected on what I wrote in this article, I'm realizing that I've been suicidal in recent times myself (prior to the last blog post). For people my age, this doesn't really matter. I am 76 years old; I've already lived my life. Many people who are well into their 80s are senile, and have terrible health to the point where its not worth it. I'd like to point out that for people who are more than just a little bit elderly, like me, suicide doesn't matter as much. Such people don't have as many quality years to look forward to.
*If you read the previous blog post, I obviously just mean this on a general basis. I probably have a really sweet deal to look forward to!
