If you have not read any of my other blogs, I recommend that you do so before reading this one. I get right to the heart of the matter and you'd be best to read something like my biography which is a hub before reading this.
10-11-2012 update At the time I was new to blogging and I didn't understand that blogs are meant to have numerous posts. I used to treat each 'blog' as a stand alone article but not anymore.
(end of update, continue reading content from 2010 below).
I've always enjoyed assisting people with their suicide. It involves bringing them a capsule for them to swallow. The poison goes to their heart and it kills them instantly. I witness their pain and suffering end right before my eyes and it has always brought a smile to my face.
One of the benefits of my profession is that I am permitted to bring their bodies to my residence and do with the corpse whatever I wish. I have made furniture out of the corpses. Most of the time I prepare the bodies for food and me and my hybrid family have a delicious meal. (Remember, my wife is a Doberman and we have 8 children human-pups living with us. I also have 8 grown up children I had with a Pitbull from a previous marriage.) I don't do a lot of grocery shopping because we have a garden in our basement, and I also raise insects for eating such as crickets and cockroaches. From time to time I also raise rodents like squirrels and mice so that we can all eat. Isn't that so economical? I should write a book on budgeting your money.
I've been practicing out of Seattle for the past 15 years or so. That city has one of the highest suicide rates, and that is why I practice there. The consistently gloomy weather probably makes people more depressed and more prone to suicide. I have some tactics to guide depressed patients away from their medications and I try to get them to agree to commit suicide. I get a fair sum of money for every patient of mine who asks me to take their life, and lets not forget the free meat. Human meat is delicious and I think the traditional methods of burial and cremation are a shame. The general attitude at the end of every funeral should be "It's chow time!" I don't find anything insulting about it. In fact I have a will that permits my family to eat me when I die. Since I'm 75 and scrawny, I don't know if I'd taste that good if I died now.
In contrast to all of the good that I just mentioned, me and my family are going through a crisis. My industry is hurting right now, people can't afford to pay me to assist them with suicide like they used to. I'm running low on liquid cash. All of my bi-species children are between the ages of 3 and 13, and all of them wear diapers. There is nothing wrong with that, but I've had to have them walk around in their stinky diapers just to try and save a buck. They all take a bullet proof short bus to school every day, something which I paid for. I don't want anyone committing hate crimes against us just because we're different.
My neighborhood was quite nice when I first moved in, but now its a slum. Some people moved out when my peculiar family moved in. Others started using drugs or otherwise went insane. This drove the property values way down, and now its tweekers, crackheads, and gangsters moving into these nice houses. For some strange reason one of the homes was converted into a trailer park - I'm not sure why this was done, it makes no sense to tear down a nice home and put up a few trailers.
I still feel energetic at age 75. I want to keep practicing medicine, not just because I have to for the income. If you know of anyone who is depressed or terminally ill in the Pacific Northwest, I'd like to hear about it. In the past it would have been very unnecessary to go very far outside of the Puget Sound area, but now I'm willing to travel throughout the entire Northwest for a gig.
I'm concerned about my children's safety at times. I want them all to grow up as happy individuals just like my other 8 children did. Some of them are athletic, and hopefully they will be in the Special Olympics someday. It would bring me so much tears and joy to see one of my kids become Mr or Mrs Special Olympia. I have a kid who is great at jumping through the hoola hoop. I'd like you loyal readers to help me get out of this crisis so that me and my lovely family has enough food and money to keep on living. I don't want any of us to end up like homeless losers.
