This blog is not for sensitive people. I did not break any laws.
It truly pays to do things you normally wouldn't. Today I decided to take a walk through a rough neighborhood. Interestingly, I found a dead baby sitting right in front of someone's house. I checked it's pulse, no sign of life. (The only good baby is a dead one, they suck) I'm glad that it was still fresh. I decided to take it home with me and figure out what to do with it.
On my way back I noticed something near a trash can, moving. I walked up to it and it looked like insect warfare. A group of cockroaches were gang raping a praying mantis for stepping on their turf. It was one of the most beautiful sights I've witnessed in a long time.
Those of you who have read my blogs before know that I am a cannibal. I decided I was going to stick it in the blender and make a tasty malt. I made sure to stick in in feet first so I could see the expression on its face. It screamed louder than 5 babies on an airplane at once. I threw in some ice and it was the best malt I've ever tasted.
I'm still sad about the recent death of my youngest son, Dobbler. Here in the colorblind paradise of Seattle, he was murdered for being inter-species. I wish my wife Lisa could understand, but she just ate her dog food as she normally would that night. I'm still looking for the man who did it, the police would not release his name to me.
