My favorite confessions from patients

I won't be posting any revealing info about any of my patients, for obvious reasons. While being a psychiatrist can be extremely boring much of the time, others it can be like a roller coaster in your favorite museum.  These are not in any order, I'll add to this list whenever applicable or whenever I have the time.

"One time I won a date with Chelsea Clinton from a raffle that this company I worked for was holding.
Long story short, I found out that she is David Duke and also Jesse Jackson (yes, she is freakishly talented and has the best makeup team ever.)
This has been the cause of my alcoholism."

"I know that I love torturing babies, but it is something which I don't even know if I do or not - I got into 'astral projection' and now I have trouble telling whats a dream and whats not."
Pro-Life tip from me: Don't get into astral projection unless you're prepared to possibly not know what is real and what isn't. I once had a different patient threaten me with a double barrel shotgun because she wanted to know that badly if she was experiencing reality or not.

"I've gone on a 'fly only' diet just to see how it would feel, and wondered if my shit or piss would smell any different. I feel good."

I'm bored and depressed, what should I do?

There are many things you can do to brighten up your day. This article won't help with severe or long term depression.

• Don't use the hand you would normally use to do everything.

This will create a nice, mild challenge for you, it helps to break the usual grind. It will also help to create and open up new pathways in the brain. If you're right handed then brush your teeth with your left hand, and use that same hand to drink, fap, or floss your teeth. Try and become a better writer with the wrong hand.  

• Read some literature that you wouldn't normally read, or watch something on TV you normally wouldn't watch.

Even if you think magazines about gardening or cars sounds mind numbing boring, read some articles in these magazines anyways. Breaking a routine is breaking a routine, and if you're still entirely sure that something bores you at least you'll know that you gave it the full effort.

• If you think cooking is tedious and boring and you seldom cook, find a recipe that's fun and out of the ordinary.

Have you ever watched some 'reality' TV show like Honey Boo Boo and thought I could never eat such a thing, that's disgusting? Well consider whatever they were eating and plan on making it yourself, but leave the 'disgusting' out of it. Make it healthy, or make it so ridiculously spicy that you and your friends can have a contest with it.

• Call up a friend who you don't like much anymore, and plan on breaking up with them. Step further out of your comfort zone than you would ever dream of.

It takes some mental strength and courage to be mean, not that you should do it. But if you want to head further down the path of self discovery, something that isn't easy or morally questionable should be considered.

• Consider doing something kind of bad for the kicks, but nothing that's too illegal. Load up a shopping cart full of groceries, leave it in the middle of an isle and just walk out. Does something like that sound like a waste of time? It isn't if you find it challenging enough and want to feel more alive.  

Again, it takes strength to do mean, risky things - not that you should. The fictional Jesus who we all know of was a very strong man but he wouldn't even hurt a fly (so he could be vulnerable if Seth Brundle was pissed off at him.) There are different kinds of strengths, and different criteria for what makes a person strong. This varies from culture to culture. One time about five years ago I was sitting on a street corner with a sign explaining that I was hungry, broke, and homeless, and this big burly, tattoo'd man who appeared to be around 30 years of age walked up to me with a five dollar bill, giving me some hope. He then spit in my eyes and some bystanders even laughed. (I can almost feel the burning from the tobacco in his spit thinking about it!)  

• Find some comedy. 

Laughter is the best medicine! This would be the easiest thing on the list, yet it could also be the most effective. When was the last time that you laughed? Go online and search for the kinds of things that made you laugh your ass off. If you're unsure of what to search for to make yourself laugh, ask friends or go on different forums for suggestions. This is one of my favorite subs on Reddit.  

Would you ever keep track of how often you laugh by keeping a log of it? Well, you might end up knowing yourself better if you did such a thing but it might take some fun out of it too. This is something I've never tried. 

Depression FAQ

I've tried all of these non medical things you suggest but I'm still battling depression. Should I take meds? Which ones?

I won't suggest any medications on this blog. You need to find a doctor in real life, I won't give any true medical advice online. I only have suggestions for people who aren't my patients, and I recommend seeing a psychiatrist if you've got ongoing depression.

I'm planning on hurting myself if I don't get the love, respect, and attention that I deserve. What do you plan on doing about it?

If you were one of my patients, I'd have you committed right away. Other than that, most people pretend to care more than what they actually do. There have been people "threatening" to kill themselves by saying how they're going to do it, with hopes that people will bend over backwards to stop them. Your family probably cares about you, and your friends would probably hate to see you die too, but it has hardly ever hurt my day on the occasion that I hear about someone killing themselves. This is even true of most of my patients; I've worried that I could have done something to prevent a patient's suicide, but I wasn't personally attached to them. One time a patient saw me off work, crossing the street downtown. He said he was going to jump off of the nearest bridge. I said to him, go for it. He was like WTF!

Happy belated birthday to this blog

This blog has been around for over two years now, and I was 75 when I first started it. I am now 77. My financial struggles continue, but I don't take it as seriously as I used to. When you really start to get up there, age-wise, you can become more irritable but you can let go of things which once bothered you a lot. A night on the streets with my family isn't necessarily a depressing thing anymore. I've had some emotional problems here and there, but when I wake up in the morning a diaper full of shit doesn't piss me off like it once did. (I don't mean to be gross but these kinds of health problems can happen if you're well into your senior years!)

Its been quite a while since I've posted on this blog. I'm looking forward to the November 6th election, with the hope that Romney will win even though I think Obama will. People who don't vote, are like people who give up. I make sure to vote in every election, even though I might easily be dead by the end of this next presidential term. I've become more interested in current events and I've even been involved in charitable works such as working at the local homeless shelter once a week or so (despite my own status as a hobo!) I'll often times hang out at bars and order a glass of water to look like a customer (but its still loitering.) I've been kicked out a couple of times before, but they were really nice about it ("I'm sorry, but you can only be here if you're going to drink, or gamble"). I always used to dream of retiring with enough money to support myself, but the chances of that are mostly gone.

To sum it up I work less than I did when I first started this blog, mainly because of reputation problems and a smaller part of it is that I'm only getting older. I'm less driven, and less goal oriented, but I'm also calmer and happier. My vocabulary has gotten a little smaller too- I've read some past publications and I needed to have a dictionary at hand. The new onset of indifference has helped reduce symptoms of depression. I'm less interested in seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist at this point; I just want to be my own man. If I could afford a better computer or a web cam, I'd put up a photo of myself right now- I've let my hair grow long, I have put on some weight, and I have a goatee. All of this is by choice- It didn't cost me much at all when I was clean cut.

Peace.

'Extreme' metal: Pretty lame

I've noticed that the purpose of death metal, grindcore, and black metal is most often to sound as diabolical, scary, and heavy as possible. Because of this realization I think its mostly a failure. When it comes to the heaviness of riffs, the speed of the drums, and the deep voice which sounds like its from a monster movie, its overkill. Many of these artists are afraid to have some slow songs, some songs which aren't as 'dark' as the others, or a comprehensible singing voice because they think they would be 'sell outs'. Darkthrone has an album which I like quite a bit: A blaze in the northern sky. I'm an atheist who thinks that Satanism is too corny because for one thing Satan does not exist. (There's no "proof" he's not real but he's about as credible as Santa Claus or the tooth fairy.) Another thing is that the lyrics are so narrowly focused on "Satan", so called dark spirituality, etc. That being said I love that Darkthrone album because the music is top of the line and original. Other than Transilvanian Hunger, Darkthrone's albums tend to be "pretty good" at best. As much as I've spoken out against overly repetitive music, that one has also been quite successful in my world.

This blog posts content is most likely influenced by the fact that I've been taking my Clozaril regularly. In a previous blog post or two I've espoused Satanism and at the time I was off medications for a while. Not that I regret any of that- Life is a journey. 

Napalm death has put out good music but I think they're horribly overrated. I liked Deicide back in the 1990's, their music was consistently good. Despite being so "Satanic" they managed to come off as genuinely creepy and evil. Dying Fetus is another band which is too stereotypical of a death metal band at times but Raped on the alter and a few others are some of my favorite songs in metal. As would be expected, I feel the same way about Cannibal Corpse. One of the only flawless 'extreme metal' albums I know of is Prowler in the yard by Pig Destroyer. This is probably the only grindcore masterpiece that there is (they don't sound like they're trying to hard). It sounds authentically angry and malevolent; singer JR Hayes isn't trying to sound like some creature on a game like Doom and he's an excellent poet. On prowler, there is a surprising amount of variation between songs for a grindcore album which is a sub genre known for producing yawn inducing blast beats track after track. Sadly, Pig Destroyer gradually regressed into the typical, run of the mill grindcore band after their magnificent Prowler album.

'Extreme metal' needs to change for it to sound good again; the standard instruments used are no longer adequate because they would need to borrow riffs and other musical elements from previous work for a song to not bore you. The bands and albums mentioned in this post aren't the only metal bands I like.  

Shocking body modifications

After learning about

Dennis Avner, who is also known as "Cat Man" (but prefers his Native American name, Stalking Cat, it almost made me feel like a normal person. This guy holds the worlds record for having the most body modifications.

I take some special interest in him myself, since my wife is a canine and we have mixed species children. Man and beast have joined as a result of our love, sex, and matrimony and this guy has undergone extensive cosmetic surgery to look as if he's part feline. Cat man has been inspiring ever since I first found out about him. It would be ideal if I could get surgery to resemble a doberman, and if my wife Lisa got surgery done to have some human features.

Legally, my wife and Lisa are not married but she is my pet (So, if she mauled someone apart I could face liabilities as a pet owner.) But she wouldn't have to consent to getting cosmetic surgery done. I'm well into my 70s so it could be especially unhealthy for me to go under the knife for such an operation. However I'll add it to my wish list, which I'd need to raise money for since I can't even afford to have a roof over us on some nights. As I expected, cosmetic surgery for pets is available.

Maria Jose Cristerna, also known as the "Mexican Vampire Woman", is another freak who got a ton of body modifications done. She did this to express herself since she almost died in a violent home as a child.

Emotional and physical abuse fucks people up.

She is a freak but she's quite sexy. I'd let her eat a few of my kids just to do her.

Occupy Yahoo Answers

Occupy Wall Street took off as a successful movement in 2011. Lets let internet protests pave their way for more satisfied users and minimal complaints about the service for a given website. Its good that online protests are part of what prevented SOPA and PIPA!



A good example would be Yahoo Answers, a popular site which isn't very reliable for what its purpose is- "to provide quality questions and answers"



One of my associates helped make this video, he is the speaker. His name is Joey, formerly known as 'Retard Supremacist' and 'Baby Torturer' on Yahoo Answers. He often times also used his real first name as a username on there. He hasn't been on that site in over a year so you probably wouldn't remember him. He is the only retarded man I know who owns a blog. Do you know any mentally retarded bloggers? Many people were in doubt about a retarded man owning a blog. If someone's mental age is between 9 and 12, what makes you think they wouldn't be savvy enough to run a blog? Someone that age may be vulnerable but it doesn't take a very smart person to use the internet.

Punked

The occult: Dark and mysterious?

I don't think so. Weeks ago, I was contacted by a local man who claimed to know black magic. I paid him a total sum of $3500 to be 20 years younger. He said the trade off would be that 5 newborn babies in the village I live in would end up having progeria, a very rare but tragic illness where the aging process is about seven times faster than normal. I figured that the trade off was worth it, only, there won't be a trade off because this was a scam. I believe the entire occult is just a greedy industry to scam people.

This guy went by the name 'Roy' (I made him show me his driver's license of course, the first name was Roy, but this must have been fake.) We went through this process of him "proving" to me that the occult is real. A man (obviously part of the scam) claimed to have wanted breasts, his shirt was taken off and they looked and felt totally real. He had no other secondary sex characteristics, there was no chest hair, it looked totally female. I did a background check for his medical records, there was no record of getting any surgery either. Roy and his sidekick who's name was supposedly Brian are much more like Houdini than the sorcerers you see in movies because Brian's "breasts" were not real. It was just part of the greedy scheme to scam me. I'm a poor old doctor who can't afford to retire, let alone feed his family without assistance and this is how I'm treated.

Suicide: Dark and mysterious?

I've always informed many of my patients that suicide is a dark and mysterious rite of passage into the unknown, and a viable option to end the chronic pain. I would tell them that God is most likely waiting for them even though I don't believe this personally. Since I don't even have a pot to piss in, maybe I'll consider the notion that the very last chapter of one's life is what defines any possible existence after death. When the body dies, I don't know if the energy in it dies with it or if it goes anywhere.

I was punked out when least expected, this is what can happen to people with extreme financial problems who are desperate. I wouldn't mind killing Roy and Brian but they have both disappeared; I tried calling Roy's phone number which is no longer in service. I went to what was most likely his temporary office which is now an empty building.

I'm at the end of my rope. Do you have any spare change? Maybe my family should die with me. After all, is there any place in this world for mixed species kids?

Its too bad that you have to experience death to know or not know what happens when you die.

I wish that this experience of mine could be featured on the show American Greed, but I have no proof of anything.