I have been called unprofessional for talking so much about my personal life on this blog which is on my business card. I've had former colleagues tell me I'm 'despicable' for how I've handled a lot of my patients. This was before I went solo as a general purpose practitioner whom no other doctor would ever associate with due to reputation problems.
I have some compensation to do, so I'll get right down to business in this blog post and I'll try to avoid talking anymore about myself.
Warning signs of suicide
Preventing a friend or a loved one from committing suicide will likely take close observation and finding the right time to take drastic action can be tricky and emotionally hard on them as well as yourself. It would be ideal if you referred suicidal people to ME since this is one of my favorite medical problems to treat. I currently offer a referral based commission to people who refer suicidal patients to me. You would receive 25% of the medical bills paid to me for that patient. In other words, if you referred someone to me for a one hour evaluation, you may be eligible to receive $25 for that visit. Simply mention this blog post via phone, email, or an office visit if you're dropping this person off.
Get opinions from their family members and friends, depending on what your relationship with them is. How is this person just not being themselves? Do they seem abysmally depressed? Questions like these are important to ask yourself, and other people who know the person that you care for. Below are some warning signs for suicide.
Situational:
Recent loss of a loved one (death or divorce).
Survivor of a previous suicide attempt.
Loss of prestige (could be loss of job or business).
Serious illness (chronic pain or exhaustion with no end in sight).
Exhaustion of resources - could be real or imaginary (money or credit lines).
Family history of suicide.
A close friend commits suicide.
Behavioral:
Talking or writing about death and suicide. Other dark topics could be a sign as well.
Giving away personal possessions.
Changes in behavior or mood.
Freefalling grades or decline in work performance.
Ending close relationships.
Not smiling as much, crying a lot.
Flat or blunted affect.
Negative self talk.
Withdrawal, not participating in regular activities.
Buying weapons, pills, poisonous ingrediants, or objects such as a rope.
Reading a lot about suicide, or self harm such as cutting.
Extreme anger outbursts.
Someone you know might be severely depressed without you knowing this.
Emotional
Overwhelming sense of loss or personal failure.
General lack of interest in things they were once fond of.
Feelings of hopelessness, overwhelming sadness, or guilt.
Withdrawal/isolation.
Feelings of being a burden to others.
Great loss of self esteem.
There are certainly verbal signs of suicidal thinking which you need to watch out for as well. Some obvious ones include "No one cares about me or my life", "I have nothing left to live for", "They're better off without me.", etc. However there are some seemingly benign verbal statements which may indicate thoughts of suicide as well. Some examples are:
"It's too late now."
"There is nothing left to do."
"What's the use."
"I just want the pain to stop."
"Nobody gets me."
"You just don't understand!"
If you see many of the warning signs described in this article, you need to help this person. Connect with them more often than you previously did, subtly try and get more information as well. I don't recommend asking blunt questions like "Are you planning on killing yourself" unless you feel like an emergency has already begun. (just try and use good judgment) Go to their place of residence, and make note of things which seem out of the ordinary. Perhaps invade their privacy somewhat by looking inside of drawers when they are not around, if this is at all possible. Those of us who are fortunate to have privacy appreciate it, but when it comes to life and death you need to set the priorities straight. Often times it is good to stay with this person until they go to sleep, if this is at all possible.
*As I reflected on what I wrote in this article, I'm realizing that I've been suicidal in recent times myself (prior to the last blog post). For people my age, this doesn't really matter. I am 76 years old; I've already lived my life. Many people who are well into their 80s are senile, and have terrible health to the point where its not worth it. I'd like to point out that for people who are more than just a little bit elderly, like me, suicide doesn't matter as much. Such people don't have as many quality years to look forward to.
*If you read the previous blog post, I obviously just mean this on a general basis. I probably have a really sweet deal to look forward to!
Parents: How about an old kid you would never be jealous of?
I've got a once in a lifetime opportunity on my plate right now. I recently made friends with the local witchdoctor, and I've told him about how I hate being an old man who doesn't have many years left. At first I didn't really believe in magic or the occult in any way. But some of his results were documented and I was able to seek the proof - for example, he has a 25 year old male client who requested that breasts naturally grow, rather than seek a surgeon for implants. I met up with him to verify to myself that magic is real, and they grew over time! No hormones or implants; that's his only woman feature, and I felt them myself.
I need to keep this witchdoctor under the radar upon his request, he said that if I broke this rule I'd dream that I was a fly every single night for the rest of my life. So, I won't give out any of his personal information.
In exchange for allowing me to reverse the aging process by 20 years, 5 random babies would grow up to have progeria, which is a premature aging disease where kids age 7 times faster than normal.
The selfish ways have allowed me to have a more interesting life. I haven't experienced much happiness in a long time, only joy (joy is good, so the class is half full.) If I take up this offer, I can experience true happiness once again. I may feel quite guilty when I find out who these kids a few years from now - that is the rarest disease in the world!
This guy (Michael Savage) does not fit the stereotype of an educated urban coastal resident. He grew up in New York, received a PhD from University of California, Berkeley, he is a resident of San Francisco, and he's a far right Republican who has his own radio show (at least in today's standards.) When he reported on this vile crime about a white couple captured by blacks in TN, I cried in part because of what happened and also because my son Dobbler was killed for being a human-dog hybrid (which the media also decided to ignore.)
May these colored savages, along with the man who killed my son, be forced to eat Satan's shit for eternity while receiving endless whiplashes and hangings from Satan's cohorts.
As you probably know, I'm an aging doctor who cannot retire. I constantly struggle to make ends meet and lately, I am especially tired of it. This is probably in part because of getting old, and the emotional toll of dealing with this for so many years.
I'll give life another try and if that fails, I will have the same fate as most of my patients do. I'm well into my 70's, so in the big scheme of things its not a huge deal either way. But I want things to work out, and I'd like to continue living for some years yet if I can be happy and successful.
What I have in mind is very unconventional, as well as unethical. I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing yet, but I've got my inspiration figured out. There will be an unforgettable art project which will involve my kids, and I'm hoping to gain money as well as respect from it as well. I will tie medicine into it in some way or another. No one would ever want to take care of my kids once I'm gone (due to their condition), so its fine for me to gamble with their lives.
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.
Look at that armadillos feet. It has sores. Its got infections which lead to nerve damage. This armadillo has leprosy. Not only that, it is transferable to human beings.
I know they're a cute looking creature but don't fondle them.
So far, humans getting leprosy from armadillos is limited to southeastern and south central states. So if you're ever touring the good old south... don't shake hands with a hillbilly, he really might have some bad cudies like leprosy. And if you are a southerner.... let this blog post be a wake up call. In the future these creatures may migrate to other regions, so let this be a warning for you.
I must now get my lubriderm out and fantasize about playboy models getting leprosy because that would be so kinky. If I was on my death bed, I'd fuck a former playmate turned leper. I'm not religious but if there was a God, there would be hundreds of leper playmates behind the pearly gates...
Hugh Hefner should spread that disease around his mansion and threaten to make them homeless if they even think about seeking treatment...
When I first started blogging nearly two years ago, I had sort of a misunderstanding. Every time I wanted to blog about a topic, I would start a new blog for that when in fact all I needed to do was add another post. I deleted blogs which only served the purpose of one single post and I added those posts onto this blog, the one that truly counts so that I don't have empty blogs. The following posts are among the earliest ones I've written. Click on a header to view an old post.
My Professional Life
At the impressionable age of 18, I was almost certain that I wanted to be a doctor. I cherished the idea of helping people with ailments. I've always had a soft spot for people who are weak, diseased, and disadvantaged. This probably comes from the compassion taught by my father. My Dad always used to support the Special Olympics by donating $50,000 to this organization every year. He owned a chain of grocery stores and hardware stores, by the way, but I'll talk more about him later.
I started to study medicine at the age of 22 at Columbus University. This was in 1952, I am 75 years old now and I'm still practicing. Relatively speaking, college was always a breeze for me because I've always been naturally intelligent and highly motivated. I was always the "oddball" in class who shared all of these weird ideas. Other classmates were hesitant to hang out with me outside of school, for the most part. I earned my degree in psychiatry in 1950, and by 1952 I had already completed the Residency phase.
During my years as a psychiatrist, I got sick and tired of hearing about people's problems all of the time. I used to keep a bottle of whiskey in my drawer because I was so bored and depressed at my job. I've even shouted to seriously ill patients things like "I don't care! Get out of my office or there is going to be serious problems!" Before I reached the age of 40, I realized it was time for a career change. I wanted to stay in the field of medicine without being so bored by listening to people piss and moan all of the time. At the same time, I acknowledged the pain that terminally ill people were going through. There were many cancer patients around who knew that they were going to die, it was inevitable. I figured that it wouldn't hurt if they died early, since there was no way for them to escape the fate of their illness.
I then embarked on a journey to specialize in euthanasia. It is my belief that everyone should be in control of their own lives, so I was willing to begin helping people die as painlessly as possible. This is intended to be a highly summarized biography, I can share more details about this and that in other Pages. While I was in the process of becoming a pathologist, I met the bitch of my dreams. (If you look up 'bitch' in an old dictionary, you'd see that one of the definitions is 'a female dog.') I picked up a Pit Bull from the humane society who was 3 years old at the time. This was back in 1965. I named her Lucie. I began to have romantic feelings for Lucie and we got married one year later. My family was very opposed to our marriage, so we had a private wedding so that it would be pleasant. About two years later - Lucie gave birth to a litter of 8 human-puppies. The hybrid mixture created some very interesting results.
I have always found euthanasia to be pleasant. I take great pleasure in freeing people from pain and suffering by assisting them with suicide. What I do for a living is very economical which I will explain at another time. Thank you for reading my short biography of my professional life.
I see it as the wave of the future. I have full confidence that my wife will never leave me for another man, and if I catch her having an affair with a dog, I don't take it personally since dogs tend to rely on instinct rather than a full conscience as we know it. So in other words, a big part of it boils down to faithfulness. The divorce rate is too high in the USA, I prefer a bond which I know will last "until death do us apart".
I should also add that dogs have quite a bit more to offer in bed.
Why don't you post photos of yourself and family since you are so interesting?
I'm sort of a "text only" type of guy for some practical reasons, and for some personal /spiritual reasons. I don't want paparazzi groups like TMZ bothering us at any level, and I don't want to reveal our looks and locations too much, to keep hostile people at bay. There have already been hate crimes committed against me and my family; luckily there have been no deaths. I am 75 years old so I don't have a whole lot to lose at this point, as far as my personal life is concerned. My kids wear bags over their heads in public, because their appearances are quite disturbing to most people.
We have many enemies, which you will see in the next question I answer.
Why would you breed with a dog since your kids resulted in having below normal intelligence as well as social stigma?
This world needs more retarded people than it does more geniuses. To some extent, less is more in many regards. Read my blog "Are we getting too smart?" for more information on why this is. I believe that many "normal" people are spoiled to the point where they can't appreciate simple things. I consider my children beautiful, because they truly are. They ride a bullet proof short bus to a special school everyday to ensure their safety. One time some hater launched a missile from a bazooka at the short bus, but luckily he missed. I was shaking for a while, as would be expected. So I paid to have this short bus upgraded with special armor (for special people - my kids and their stupid bus driver!) as well as serious ammunition for self defense- various missiles, explosives, biological and chemical weapons. It truly is a 21st century tank! One time, quite a mess was left on the road all because some terrorists tried to harm my children on the bus. The terrorists were all in pieces! I just loved watching their flesh melt away from the sarin gas which was launched at them. Some innocent bystanders experienced the same thing, but that was still awesome! Perhaps this vehicle will resemble a 'Transformers" machine at some point.
Obviously, me and my family have many enemies. So, there will not be photos any time soon.
Do you have any jobs or hobbies that don't involve death?
Yes. When I am not working or spending time with my lovely family, I enjoy painting pictures... of all kinds of things which range from lovely scenery like mountain ranges and nuclear power plants, to unpleasant things like beautiful women with cancer and kittens. I am also a part time Catholic priest, birthday clown, and lifeguard at a large swimming facility. As noted before, I am a psychiatrist on the side. I enjoy hiking in the woods by myself, with patients, and with my family- Sometimes all three of these at once! Yes, as contradictory as it sounds I sometimes spend time by myself, family, and patients all at the same time. I won't attempt to explain it right here.
I've had many friends over the years, most of whom have "expired" over time.
Are you open to any publicity?
I wouldn't mind being an actor, but that's basically it. If I could star in any TV show, it would be The Howard Stern show. It would be nice if my entire inter-species family was on that show. I would also love being on Family Guy.
When did you have the time of your life?
This was shortly after Betty died. I loved Betty so this might sound ironic to you. She was getting old- she died at the ripe age of 18. I had to put her to sleep since she was suffering from chronic pain. This was also at the same time that Jeffrey Dahmer was murdered in prison. Luckily, I was the assigned mortician. After a few days of preparation, I feasted on Dahmer's meat and his internal organs. There was a side of Betty's brains and heart on the side. I got quite a high from this meal, knowing that Dahmer used to eat people, and my former wife was becoming a part of me due to my consumption. To further enhance this high, I had some stoner rock music playing in the background.
Eyehategod is a stoner rock band (that is the correct spelling):
As a tribute to Jeffrey Dahmer, the band Macabre is a thrash metal band which made an album dedicated to a biography of this thoughtful, wonderful man.
This is a very important update to the financial crisis I've been going through lately due to the poor economy. Recently, I conjured a scheme to collect a lot of delicious food for me and my inter-species family to eat. Before I go on about that, I want you to look at the picture above. This is someone drowning in quicksand. How did I take advantage of this substance? Read on.
We own two residences - One of them is in Washington state, our other home is in Nevada. Politically, those two states greatly differ on something. Nevada is a Castle Law state, meaning if someone trespasses onto your private property, you may use deadly force to to defend it. I decided to set up a booby trap in case there were any intruders, which of course I was hoping for because we crave fresh meat. I consider it very moral to eat any kind of creature that passes away, including humans, rather than bury them or burn them. There is obviously some diseases that make a person or animals meat worthless, but I encourage people to make other use of the body such as making furniture or sculptures out of them.
Anyhow, I set up a booby trap inside our Nevada home which I used very large quantities of quicksand. I then made it a mission to provoke people around town, being very careful about not getting hurt in the process. I wore a bullet proof vest and I mainly stayed inside of a rented car the whole time. I managed to attract a large group of angry mobsters who's intent was to hurt us or burglarize our home. I used security cameras and other equipment to see how many of them there were, where they were, what weapons they had, etc. I will only reveal basic details of this plan of mine to protect my privacy. My mouth was practically watering as all of them finally reached the hidden quicksand, and they drowned. It filled my heart with joy as these angry, hateful people were dying. I used the right words and gestures to provoke these lowlifes on the streets, and finally they provided us with a lot of meat to last us many weeks.
I did not even bother cooking them. I just skinned them and started putting the meat on our plates right away. I am especially elegant when it comes to meals, I am not unskilled, crude, or sloppy. My body has been accustomed to to uncooked meat for some time now, and I had a wonderful meal with my family. We had some classical music playing in the background like Beethoven, as well as some modern artists like Boards of Canada. I was dressed in a Tuxedo and I combined Cabernet, Snake's blood, as well as blood from the intruders to produce a delicious tasting wine. Each of us had a side of their mashed brains which was topped with herbs and spices from God-knows-What, but it splendid.
Not only did this benefit our good tastes in food, I now have a larger collection of bones than before. I intend on making a museum of some sort out of this.
I choose not to take pictures of us for the internet because of TMZ and other horrible groups. My kids usually walk around with bags over their heads to avoid exposure to the media.
He's the man who started the whole thing. It would only make sense.
If only his body wasn't so decomposed now. A wax Hitler should sit in a high throne of every holocaust museum, with a big grin on his face. We all knew that Hitler had an fun and fantastic life ruining the lives of other people.
This should be accomplished. Artists should start working on creating wax Hitler's right now. History needs to be remembered and told accurately. Hitler had a cruel nature. That's just how it is.
Also, what kind of name for a museum is "Museum of Tolerance."
